I need to stop wasting my time chasing after people who only see me as an option.

What I’ve realized these past couple of days is that a crush is called a crush for a reason. Not necessarily because that person crushed all of my hopes and expectations of being my special someone, but opening my eyes to what crush can define in terms of love. It means that love takes time and there’s no need to c[RUSH] into things. A crush is only a temporary feeling that will soon change in a matter of time until you’re onto the next person who makes you feel just as important, who might end up being the right one.

“You can’t hurry love, oh you just have to wait. She said love don’t come easy. It’s a game of give and take.”

It sucks being led on by someone you truly have feelings for only to be let down in the end. This person gives you all of their attention, making you feel like you’re the only person in the room. They smile, they laugh, and tell you that you’re amazing. And once you put yourself out there and tell them exactly how you feel, they bring out the “I just want to be friends” card, which is complete bullshit. Don’t continuously flirt with me every chance that you get and not expect me not to fall for you. It’s not fair. Not fair at all.

Sooner or later, you find out that the people you thought was your so-called friend start to show their true colors. In the end, you feel like a fool for confiding in them. 

I try my best to see the good in people, but when someone has this mentality that they’re so much better than you really pisses me off. What I despise even more is how I allow myself to be pushed around by these kind of people. Face it, I’m a people pleaser and want to be liked. To be honest, I think I’d rather be liked and pushed around than someone you don’t want to be around at all. It’s pathetic, I know, but one day…someday, I’ll grow a backbone. 

Sometimes, I hate feeling like I can’t stand up for myself. It’s just, I’m not the type of person who opens up so easily. If you ask me how I feel, not only do I shut down completely, but I also put my guard up. I can’t say what’s on my mind because I’m scared that I might sound stupid, or a better word in this case, is foolish. To be honest, I would feel more comfortable writing it all down because the only thing you would get out of me are the usual and expected excuses we all tend to use day-to-day. “I’m fine.” or “Nothing’s wrong.” Sooner or later, I’m going to have to face the fact that problems can’t be solved if you keep silent about them.

The only thing I hate more than inconsiderate people are picky people who complain about nothing. When guests come into work and get so pissed off about there being a wait, they don’t realize how it’s not such a big deal. Then, here they go, bringing up the “I have kids that are starving!” card. Starving? They don’t know the true definition until they’ve seen homeless people struggling on the streets. And when it finally comes down to seating their sorry asses, they’re not satisfied with their table. Be thankful, douchebags. At least you have a table to eat on. Don’t be playing musical chairs with me, because chances are the next table is going to be even worse. So how about next time you do me a favor and choose your words correctly that are more obviously appropriate for a pathetic excuse of your so-called problematic situation and drive your “starving kids” to McDonalds. 

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be liked back for once. I guess I’m just not the type of girl who’s into “playing the game.” I suck at playing the game. I’m not good at it. I can’t read people. I don’t know what the next move is and it feels like I’m playing a game of chess. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I’m awkward and believe it or not, I’m awfully shy. I wish things were so much simpler because lately, I feel like I’m always losing.

I hate it when things don’t turn out the way you want them to. You wish you can just go back and stop yourself from saying what you said or doing what you did. And after it’s all done, the only thing you would possibly be thinking about is “what the hell was I thinking?”

My love life clearly sucks.